Page 8 - Boca ViewPointe - March '20
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Page 8, Viewpointe                                                   March 2020

      Give And Take

       By Judith Levy                                       “What’s the matter with you? You’ve changed. You      That’s been my experience and I think some kind folks
                                                         used to be so nice.” Sometimes when the giver hears this,   out there have had the same sorry story happen to you. I
          It’s funny how hindsight                       floodgates open up and every instance of feeling used   remember the time I asked someone I’d done uncountable
       is  so  clear.  When  I  was                      and abused comes bursting out. Then the relationship is   favors for to pick something up for me that I needed urgently
       younger I just didn’t have a                      ruptured, many times irreparably, and that’s the end.  and was unable to get. I was told “No.” Further she explained
       handle on this give and take                         So, what does the giver do? The giver finds another   when I looked completely astounded at her refusal, that I
       issue but now in my gray                          taker!                                            have a need to help people, right I do, but she doesn’t have
       days I see it as plain as the                        There is no medicine and perhaps no therapy to help   the same need, and to do something she doesn’t want to do
       nose on my face.                                  the giver who is permanently afflicted, but perhaps a   would be insincere. I couldn’t believe my ears. It’s not that
          If you are a person who                        moderation of behavior is in order.               I didn’t know she was selfish and using me many times, but
       is afflicted with the give                           The Bible tells us not to throw pearls to swine. I agree.  somehow when she voiced her feelings, I could no longer
       syndrome, in order to function you must find a taker. Takers      Don’t  misunderstand  and  think  I’m  advocating  not   ignore the situation. I was hurt and never felt the same way
       are all around so you don’t have to look very far. Here’s how   to  help  anyone.  By  all  means  help.  Just  don’t  go  that   about this person again. But she did me a favor in the long
       it goes. The giver gives, the taker takes, the giver gives, the   excrutiating extra mile that will leave you feeling abused   run. I still help, because it’s my nature, but I don’t do as
       taker takes. The only problem is the giver tires before the   and resentful.                        much and that’s all to the good. So, take the time to learn a
       taker does. In fact, the taker will never tire, and don’t ask      You givers out there know who you are. Try if possible   new dance, not the give and take dance, but a slower one,
       the taker to do anything for you because at that moment you   to choose people more carefully and in any case restrain   and one that gives you, the giver, some pleasure too.
       are confusing the cast of characters. You are the giver, this   yourself from doing as much as you can do. You don’t
       person is the taker.                              have to knock everyone’s socks off with how much you      Judith Levy is the New York Times best-selling author of
          When the giver has had enough, (which usually takes   can accomplish and quickly too. Do less than you want to,   GRANDMOTHER REMEMBERS which has sold over four
       much too long,) and stops giving, the taker is perplexed and   hold back, because many takers see givers in the role of   million copies and the mega best seller GRANDFATHER
       often angry.                                      doormats and they use them accordingly.           REMEMBERS, published by HarperCollins. 

       Assistance Animals

         We are often asked, “What are all these pets doing in my   and emotional support animals. The animal serves as an      Handicap accommodation requests must also opine that
      building. I thought I moved into a no-dog condo.” Technically,   accommodation to a person’s handicap/disability. It allows the   the animal is necessary or required. A recommendation is not
      there are no “no-dog condominiums.” However, there are   owner full use and enjoyment of the premises. By requesting   good enough. The person requesting an accommodation must
      no-pet communities. Also, there is an important distinction   a handicap accommodation, the owner is essentially asking   be truly disabled/handicapped. They must have a condition
      between a pet, a service animal, and an emotional support   the community to acknowledge that the animal is not a pet,   which substantially limits a major bodily function or life
      animal. Restrictions on pets, including the number of pets   and that the pet restrictions in the documents are inapplicable   activity, such as walking, eating, using the bathroom, or
      an owner may have, the type, breed, and weight may be   to their animal.                             sleeping. Also, there must be a strong relationship between
      drafted and incorporated into the governing documents of      You also may be seeing more dogs in the community   the requested accommodation and the disability so that
      a condominium, homeowners association, or cooperative.   because the Association is not thoroughly vetting requests   the particular animal must serve that particular disability.
      Such restrictions may even prohibit pets. However, these   for accommodations, has symbolically “thrown up its hands,”   Emotional support animals provide relief for those with
      restrictions may not be applicable to service animals and   and now grants accommodation requests as soon as they are   psychological disabilities, while service animals allow
      emotional support animals. This is because only persons who   received. Lack of proper screening of requests is a disservice to   those with physical handicaps full use and enjoyment of the
      are disabled/handicapped are entitled to house service animals   residents who moved into a community because of a fear, allergy,   premises. While it is true that emotional support animals
                                                         or aversion to dogs or other animals. Further, a community   need no special training to provide support to a person with
                                                         with many animals needs facilities and services which cater to   a psychological disability, service animals must be trained
                  Golf Carts                             animals, such as areas for dog walking, pest control for fleas   to accommodate the specific physical handicap for which an
                                                                                                           accommodation is requested.
                                                         and ticks, and periodic pet waste pickup. Condominiums,
                                                                                                             Handicap accommodation requests are difficult to process,
            Please Drive Carefully!                      homeowners associations, and cooperatives are legally entitled     because the laws are intricate and confusing, and a denial when
                                                         to review requests for handicap accommodations to determine
                                                         their reasonableness. An accommodation request must be   an accommodation is required to be granted, is discrimination.
                                                         reasonable to be considered. Accordingly, if a request for a   Therefore, please contact a good community association
                                                         handicap accommodation is unreasonable, the association may   attorney if you need help deciphering the law, analyzing a
                                                         deny the request. While we’ve seen requests for dogs, cats,   request for an accommodation received by the Association,
                                                         miniature horses, pot-belly pigs, and more, some requests are   or just have general questions about this delicate subject.
                                                         unreasonable, and if granted, may serve to lower the bar on
                                                         future requests for accommodations by other residents.     Sachs Sax Caplan, P.L., Peter S. Sachs 
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