Page 8 - Boca ViewPointe - March '20

Page 8, Viewpointe March 2020

Give And Take

By Judith Levy “What’s the matter with you? You’ve changed. You That’s been my experience and I think some kind folks
used to be so nice.” Sometimes when the giver hears this, out there have had the same sorry story happen to you. I
It’s funny how hindsight floodgates open up and every instance of feeling used remember the time I asked someone I’d done uncountable
is so clear. When I was and abused comes bursting out. Then the relationship is favors for to pick something up for me that I needed urgently
younger I just didn’t have a ruptured, many times irreparably, and that’s the end. and was unable to get. I was told “No.” Further she explained
handle on this give and take So, what does the giver do? The giver finds another when I looked completely astounded at her refusal, that I
issue but now in my gray taker! have a need to help people, right I do, but she doesn’t have
days I see it as plain as the There is no medicine and perhaps no therapy to help the same need, and to do something she doesn’t want to do
nose on my face. the giver who is permanently afflicted, but perhaps a would be insincere. I couldn’t believe my ears. It’s not that
If you are a person who moderation of behavior is in order. I didn’t know she was selfish and using me many times, but
is afflicted with the give The Bible tells us not to throw pearls to swine. I agree. somehow when she voiced her feelings, I could no longer
syndrome, in order to function you must find a taker. Takers Don’t misunderstand and think I’m advocating not ignore the situation. I was hurt and never felt the same way
are all around so you don’t have to look very far. Here’s how to help anyone. By all means help. Just don’t go that about this person again. But she did me a favor in the long
it goes. The giver gives, the taker takes, the giver gives, the excrutiating extra mile that will leave you feeling abused run. I still help, because it’s my nature, but I don’t do as
taker takes. The only problem is the giver tires before the and resentful. much and that’s all to the good. So, take the time to learn a
taker does. In fact, the taker will never tire, and don’t ask You givers out there know who you are. Try if possible new dance, not the give and take dance, but a slower one,
the taker to do anything for you because at that moment you to choose people more carefully and in any case restrain and one that gives you, the giver, some pleasure too.
are confusing the cast of characters. You are the giver, this yourself from doing as much as you can do. You don’t
person is the taker. have to knock everyone’s socks off with how much you Judith Levy is the New York Times best-selling author of
When the giver has had enough, (which usually takes can accomplish and quickly too. Do less than you want to, GRANDMOTHER REMEMBERS which has sold over four
much too long,) and stops giving, the taker is perplexed and hold back, because many takers see givers in the role of million copies and the mega best seller GRANDFATHER
often angry. doormats and they use them accordingly. REMEMBERS, published by HarperCollins. 

Assistance Animals

We are often asked, “What are all these pets doing in my and emotional support animals. The animal serves as an Handicap accommodation requests must also opine that
building. I thought I moved into a no-dog condo.” Technically, accommodation to a person’s handicap/disability. It allows the the animal is necessary or required. A recommendation is not
there are no “no-dog condominiums.” However, there are owner full use and enjoyment of the premises. By requesting good enough. The person requesting an accommodation must
no-pet communities. Also, there is an important distinction a handicap accommodation, the owner is essentially asking be truly disabled/handicapped. They must have a condition
between a pet, a service animal, and an emotional support the community to acknowledge that the animal is not a pet, which substantially limits a major bodily function or life
animal. Restrictions on pets, including the number of pets and that the pet restrictions in the documents are inapplicable activity, such as walking, eating, using the bathroom, or
an owner may have, the type, breed, and weight may be to their animal. sleeping. Also, there must be a strong relationship between
drafted and incorporated into the governing documents of You also may be seeing more dogs in the community the requested accommodation and the disability so that
a condominium, homeowners association, or cooperative. because the Association is not thoroughly vetting requests the particular animal must serve that particular disability.
Such restrictions may even prohibit pets. However, these for accommodations, has symbolically “thrown up its hands,” Emotional support animals provide relief for those with
restrictions may not be applicable to service animals and and now grants accommodation requests as soon as they are psychological disabilities, while service animals allow
emotional support animals. This is because only persons who received. Lack of proper screening of requests is a disservice to those with physical handicaps full use and enjoyment of the
are disabled/handicapped are entitled to house service animals residents who moved into a community because of a fear, allergy, premises. While it is true that emotional support animals
or aversion to dogs or other animals. Further, a community need no special training to provide support to a person with
with many animals needs facilities and services which cater to a psychological disability, service animals must be trained
Golf Carts animals, such as areas for dog walking, pest control for fleas to accommodate the specific physical handicap for which an
accommodation is requested.
and ticks, and periodic pet waste pickup. Condominiums,
Handicap accommodation requests are difficult to process,
Please Drive Carefully! homeowners associations, and cooperatives are legally entitled because the laws are intricate and confusing, and a denial when
to review requests for handicap accommodations to determine
their reasonableness. An accommodation request must be an accommodation is required to be granted, is discrimination.
reasonable to be considered. Accordingly, if a request for a Therefore, please contact a good community association
handicap accommodation is unreasonable, the association may attorney if you need help deciphering the law, analyzing a
deny the request. While we’ve seen requests for dogs, cats, request for an accommodation received by the Association,
miniature horses, pot-belly pigs, and more, some requests are or just have general questions about this delicate subject.
unreasonable, and if granted, may serve to lower the bar on
future requests for accommodations by other residents. Sachs Sax Caplan, P.L., Peter S. Sachs 