Page 3 - The Jewish Voice - February '22
P. 3
The Jewish Voice, Page 3
From the rabbis
Can We Still Influence Our your heart, so too is there only One G-d in ours.” influences in this world. Raising healthy children is far
They then added that “Just as there is only One G-d in
more about influence than it is about power. The realization
Adult Children? As Jacob’s concern was assuaged, we still wonder why that parents often reach too late is that, while raising their
it was necessary for the twelve sons of Jacob to state the children, they confuse these two forces.
By Rabbi Dovid Vigler obvious about his own convictions in the former half of We happily spend $25,000 on tuition to educate our
Parenting is the easiest their declaration. Since the question was only about their children in the finest schools, but then we lie about their
thing in the world to have own faith, they should simply have replied with their own age in Disney World, flushing it all down the drain, just
an opinion about but one beliefs. It is in this moment that we learn volumes about to save $25!
of the hardest things in the the power of parenting to plot the path of our progeny. If Jacob teaches us that it’s never too late. Even when his
world to do. Some of the not for Jacob’s deep-rooted positions, his children would children were grandparents already, they professed their
most passionate views on never have felt the same. commitment to his values, as a direct result of his own
parenting come from people It sounds a little crazy, but even when it comes to how convictions: Only because “there is only One G-d in your
who have no children of we vote, political scientists have learned that the single heart” can we say that “there is only One G-d in ours.”
their own. most determining factor is how our parents voted! Neither Hearts are like mirrors — children mirror their parents’
But the question I’d like income, status, education nor any other measure is more hearts, not their words. Don’t worry that your children
to address today is about predictive of how people will eventually vote other than never listen to you; worry that they’re always watching
what I call “sunset parenting.” As we grow older and wiser, how their parents did. Though they do often experience you! Children who are dominated tend to grow up to
and our kids become parents and grandparents, do we still a temporary rejection of their parent’s values during dominate or to be dominated — they learn more from what
have the ability to influence them, or has that ship already very early adulthood, more often than not they tend to you are than from what you teach.
sailed? eventually revert to their parents’ beliefs. Whether we are ready to admit it or not, we can’t help
Many members of our shul have discovered a Values are like viruses — they are caught, not taught. ourselves from modeling our own parents’ behavior. Have
meaningful sense of spirituality in their Yiddishkeit in It might take a long time, but once the seeds have been you already, unknowingly, become the parent that you
recent years. They feel a sense of regret in not having been, planted it’s only a matter of time before they sprout. despised? Ask your kids — they’ll tell you!
or not being, able to share this with their grown children. Parents will often send their children to Hebrew school My mother-in-law says that the greatest gift a parent
But is it too late? even though they’re lacking in their own faith. They’ll can give their child is not money but time. Your children
Profound inspiration is to be found in the Torah as we scold their children for watching too much TV, while they need your presence more than your presents. And even
learn about our Patriarch Jacob on his deathbed in the cannot make eye contact because they are glued to their when they grow older, they may forget what you said but
final portion of the Book of Genesis. As the founder of the iPhones; they’ll tell them not to use foul language, though they will never forget how you made them feel. Each day
twelve tribes of Israel, he has lived a most accomplished they do it themselves; and tell them not to eat junk food of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our
life. Surrounded by all his grown children, he is enveloped while everyone knows that they do. children.
with love and care. Yet inexplicably, as he tried to share Perhaps it’s because it’s easier to work on our children There’s no such thing as a perfect parent — so just be
a prophecy of the future with his children, he sensed the than to work on ourselves. You can’t lecture your kids a real one. Your children will become what you are, so be
Divine Spirit suddenly depart from him. unless you practice what you preach! Such conflicting what you want them to be.
Concerned, he asked his children if any of them had directives from parents inevitably lead to the kids rebelling Wishing you a month of empowering without
abandoned his values or convictions. He could think of no — isolating emotionally from parents and trying to plot overpowering.
other reason for the sudden lack of Divine inspiration. In a their own course as soon as they’re old enough to get the Rabbi Dovid Vigler is spiritual leader at Chabad of
most moving scene of “L’dor V’dor,” the Talmud (Pesach broader picture. Palm Beach Gardens and host of the Jewish Schmooze
56a) relates that they responded in unison with the words Parents are the ultimate role models for their children: Radio Show. Email him at rabbi@jewishgardens.com
that have become the ultimate declaration of our faith Every word, movement, and action has an effect. No other
for time immemorial: “Shma Yisrael, Hashem Elokeinu, person or outside influence has a greater impact on a child
Hashem Echad!” “Listen, Israel (Father); we all believe than a parent. Indeed, the influence of faithful, consistent, h
that Hashem is G-d; there is only Him.” conscious parenting is probably one of the most powerful