Page 3 - The Jewish Voice - February '22
P. 3

The Jewish Voice, Page 3

                                                       From the rabbis




      Can We Still Influence Our                          your heart, so too is there only One G-d in ours.”  influences in this world. Raising healthy children is far
                                                           They then added that “Just as there is only One G-d in
                                                                                                           more about influence than it is about power. The realization
      Adult Children?                                      As Jacob’s concern was assuaged, we still wonder why   that parents often reach too late is that, while raising their
                                                        it was necessary for the twelve sons of Jacob to state the   children, they confuse these two forces.
      By Rabbi Dovid Vigler                             obvious about his own convictions in the former half of      We happily spend $25,000 on tuition to educate our
         Parenting is the easiest                       their declaration. Since the question was only about their   children in the finest schools, but then we lie about their
      thing in the world to have                        own faith, they should simply have replied with their own   age in Disney World, flushing it all down the drain, just
      an opinion about but one                          beliefs. It is in this moment that we learn volumes about   to save $25!
      of the hardest things in the                      the power of parenting to plot the path of our progeny. If      Jacob teaches us that it’s never too late. Even when his
      world to do. Some of the                          not for Jacob’s deep-rooted positions, his children would   children were grandparents already, they professed their
      most passionate views on                          never have felt the same.                          commitment to his values, as a direct result of his own
      parenting come from people                           It sounds a little crazy, but even when it comes to how   convictions: Only because “there is only One G-d in your
      who have no children of                           we vote, political scientists have learned that the single   heart” can we say that “there is only One G-d in ours.”
      their own.                                        most determining factor is how our parents voted! Neither      Hearts are like mirrors — children mirror their parents’
         But the question I’d like                      income, status, education nor any other measure is more   hearts, not their words. Don’t worry that your children
      to address today  is about                        predictive of how people will eventually vote other than   never listen to you; worry that they’re always watching
      what I call “sunset parenting.” As we grow older and wiser,   how their parents did. Though they do often experience   you! Children who are dominated tend to grow up to
      and our kids become parents and grandparents, do we still   a temporary rejection of their parent’s values during   dominate or to be dominated — they learn more from what
      have the ability to influence them, or has that ship already   very early adulthood, more often than not they tend to   you are than from what you teach.
      sailed?                                           eventually revert to their parents’ beliefs.          Whether we are ready to admit it or not, we can’t help
         Many members of our shul have discovered a        Values are like viruses — they are caught, not taught.   ourselves from modeling our own parents’ behavior. Have
      meaningful sense of spirituality in their Yiddishkeit in   It might take a long time, but once the seeds have been   you already, unknowingly, become the parent that you
      recent years. They feel a sense of regret in not having been,   planted it’s only a matter of time before they sprout.  despised? Ask your kids — they’ll tell you!
      or not being, able to share this with their grown children.      Parents will often send their children to Hebrew school      My mother-in-law says that the greatest gift a parent
      But is it too late?                               even though they’re lacking in their own faith. They’ll   can give their child is not money but time. Your children
         Profound inspiration is to be found in the Torah as we   scold their children for watching too much TV, while they   need your presence more than your presents. And even
      learn about our Patriarch Jacob on his deathbed in the   cannot make eye contact because they are glued to their   when they grow older, they may forget what you said but
      final portion of the Book of Genesis. As the founder of the   iPhones; they’ll tell them not to use foul language, though   they will never forget how you made them feel. Each day
      twelve tribes of Israel, he has lived a most accomplished   they do it themselves; and tell them not to eat junk food   of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our
      life. Surrounded by all his grown children, he is enveloped   while everyone knows that they do.     children.
      with love and care. Yet inexplicably, as he tried to share      Perhaps it’s because it’s easier to work on our children      There’s no such thing as a perfect parent — so just be
      a prophecy of the future with his children, he sensed the   than to work on ourselves. You can’t lecture your kids   a real one. Your children will become what you are, so be
      Divine Spirit suddenly depart from him.           unless you practice what you preach! Such conflicting   what you want them to be.
         Concerned, he asked his children if any of them had   directives from parents inevitably lead to the kids rebelling      Wishing you a month of empowering without
      abandoned his values or convictions. He could think of no   — isolating emotionally from parents and trying to plot   overpowering.
      other reason for the sudden lack of Divine inspiration. In a   their own course as soon as they’re old enough to get the      Rabbi Dovid Vigler is spiritual leader at Chabad of
      most moving scene of “L’dor V’dor,” the Talmud (Pesach   broader picture.                            Palm Beach Gardens and host of the Jewish Schmooze
      56a) relates that they responded in unison with the words      Parents are the ultimate role models for their children:   Radio Show. Email him at rabbi@jewishgardens.com
      that have become the ultimate declaration of our faith   Every word, movement, and action has an effect. No other
      for time immemorial: “Shma Yisrael, Hashem Elokeinu,   person or outside influence has a greater impact on a child
      Hashem Echad!” “Listen, Israel (Father); we all believe   than a parent. Indeed, the influence of faithful, consistent,   h
      that Hashem is G-d; there is only Him.”           conscious parenting is probably one of the most powerful
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