Page 10 - Boca ViewPointe - September '22
P. 10

Page 10, Viewpointe                                                September 2022
      No Longer Having Dinner With Loneliness




      By Robert W. Goldfarb                                 There were other friends who agreed to meet to eat, but not      Was there a way to enjoy food now that I was alone? Muriel
                                                         to dine. Dinner was a race to be run as quickly as possible. The   and I subscribed to the New York Times recipe collection. Gravy-
         When I lost my wife to a sudden and unexpected illness,   interval between “I’ll have the lamb chops medium well” to   stained and scrawled with changes, the recipes remained barely
      loneliness claimed her side of our bed. I no longer slept enfolded   “Please bring the check” grew shorter with every meal. Friends   legible. Luckily, I had a calculator and could divide a recipe for
      in the warmth of Muriel’s soft curves. Instead, the sharp edges   who hesitated to rush Muriel and me through dinner were quick   four or five into a meal for one. I would begin cooking again, as
      of loneliness pierced me awake. Loneliness slept when I did,   to order food while I was looking at the wine list. I was now a   I often had when Muriel and I dined at home.
      but awakened in a fury, replacing Muriel’s smile and kiss with   single person, apparently half as important as I had been when      My mother was a great cook and when my brother and I were
      its icy grip.                                      married for nearly seventy years.                 very young, she summoned us to the kitchen, saying “Your father
         Learning how to be alone but not lonely is a class men      Once our children were grown, Muriel and I went out to   knows this is a kitchen only because he eats here. You boys are
      of my generation never took. We went from our mothers to   dinner four or five evenings a week. She often said, “As a mother,   going to learn how to cook.” And we did. I cook mindfully, losing
      war to our wives and were rarely alone. My family knew that   I spent twenty five years hosting a dinner party for five every   myself in the sounds and aromas of bubbling soups and sauces.
      and surrounded me with love during the first weeks of our   evening. Now, we’re going out to eat!” But by eating out, she   I try not to lament that the meal that takes me ninety minutes to
      loss. Children, grandchildren and close friends rushed from   meant celebrating the slow dance of a shared meal.  prepare will be eaten in thirty.
      throughout the country to comfort me. But when their lives called      When alone, we never glanced at menus until we had ordered      I do go out to dinner two, sometimes three evenings a
      them home, loneliness attacked me like a fever.    a glass of wine and began talking of our day and of our plans for   week with the same close friends whose early invitations kept
         I saw at once the fever it brought spiked at night. Having   the days to follow. Only then did we order food. When dining   loneliness at bay. Does loneliness still come to my home? Yes, but
      lunch alone is not uncommon; a hurried sandwich between   out with friends, we would hurry to the restaurant an hour early   now only for an occasional assault and knows it is not welcome
      assignments is part of the American diet. Dinner is different.   to sit alone at the bar and talk of our day over a glass of wine.  in my kitchen or bedroom. 
      That’s when parents and children gather around a table and
      become a family. Once the children are grown, dinner is when a
      husband and wife remember when dining was prelude to making
      love.
         But now loneliness sat opposite me at the dinner table, sharing
      whatever food was delivered that evening. It sneered when
      reminding me with every bite that I was destined to eat most
      meals alone for the rest of my life. If I were to enjoy food again,
      I would have to find ways to show loneliness I was unavailable
      for dinner.                                             Stylish Modern Atmosphere     Make Reservations                       happy hour
         Muriel and I had many friends, the closest of whom                                                                           Mon. - Thurs.
      immediately called and invited me to dinner. I gratefully accepted                                                           at Bar Only all Day
      and happily said yes when they insisted I return quickly or
      arrange to meet soon at a restaurant. It was clear they wanted                                                               Mon. - Fri.  3 - 6 pm
      to spare me the ordeal of looking across the dinner table at                                                                     inside Only
      loneliness.
         I began calling other friends deeper in our address book,                                                                Lunch SpeciaLS
      assuming they would gladly meet me at a restaurant or at one
      of our homes as they often had in the past. Surprisingly, many                                                                  every Day
                                                                                                                                              $
      said they were booked for weeks ahead and would have to call                                                                     starting at  11
      back. Most didn’t call back and it became evident they saw dinner
      tables as set for couples, not for odd numbers, and three began
      proving to be an especially odd number.























                                                                                                                      Norbert Graber, R. Ph.
                                                                                                                     and Lynn Graber, R. Ph.
























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