Page 10 - Boca ViewPointe - September '22
P. 10
Page 10, Viewpointe September 2022
No Longer Having Dinner With Loneliness
By Robert W. Goldfarb There were other friends who agreed to meet to eat, but not Was there a way to enjoy food now that I was alone? Muriel
to dine. Dinner was a race to be run as quickly as possible. The and I subscribed to the New York Times recipe collection. Gravy-
When I lost my wife to a sudden and unexpected illness, interval between “I’ll have the lamb chops medium well” to stained and scrawled with changes, the recipes remained barely
loneliness claimed her side of our bed. I no longer slept enfolded “Please bring the check” grew shorter with every meal. Friends legible. Luckily, I had a calculator and could divide a recipe for
in the warmth of Muriel’s soft curves. Instead, the sharp edges who hesitated to rush Muriel and me through dinner were quick four or five into a meal for one. I would begin cooking again, as
of loneliness pierced me awake. Loneliness slept when I did, to order food while I was looking at the wine list. I was now a I often had when Muriel and I dined at home.
but awakened in a fury, replacing Muriel’s smile and kiss with single person, apparently half as important as I had been when My mother was a great cook and when my brother and I were
its icy grip. married for nearly seventy years. very young, she summoned us to the kitchen, saying “Your father
Learning how to be alone but not lonely is a class men Once our children were grown, Muriel and I went out to knows this is a kitchen only because he eats here. You boys are
of my generation never took. We went from our mothers to dinner four or five evenings a week. She often said, “As a mother, going to learn how to cook.” And we did. I cook mindfully, losing
war to our wives and were rarely alone. My family knew that I spent twenty five years hosting a dinner party for five every myself in the sounds and aromas of bubbling soups and sauces.
and surrounded me with love during the first weeks of our evening. Now, we’re going out to eat!” But by eating out, she I try not to lament that the meal that takes me ninety minutes to
loss. Children, grandchildren and close friends rushed from meant celebrating the slow dance of a shared meal. prepare will be eaten in thirty.
throughout the country to comfort me. But when their lives called When alone, we never glanced at menus until we had ordered I do go out to dinner two, sometimes three evenings a
them home, loneliness attacked me like a fever. a glass of wine and began talking of our day and of our plans for week with the same close friends whose early invitations kept
I saw at once the fever it brought spiked at night. Having the days to follow. Only then did we order food. When dining loneliness at bay. Does loneliness still come to my home? Yes, but
lunch alone is not uncommon; a hurried sandwich between out with friends, we would hurry to the restaurant an hour early now only for an occasional assault and knows it is not welcome
assignments is part of the American diet. Dinner is different. to sit alone at the bar and talk of our day over a glass of wine. in my kitchen or bedroom.
That’s when parents and children gather around a table and
become a family. Once the children are grown, dinner is when a
husband and wife remember when dining was prelude to making
love.
But now loneliness sat opposite me at the dinner table, sharing
whatever food was delivered that evening. It sneered when
reminding me with every bite that I was destined to eat most
meals alone for the rest of my life. If I were to enjoy food again,
I would have to find ways to show loneliness I was unavailable
for dinner. Stylish Modern Atmosphere Make Reservations happy hour
Muriel and I had many friends, the closest of whom Mon. - Thurs.
immediately called and invited me to dinner. I gratefully accepted at Bar Only all Day
and happily said yes when they insisted I return quickly or
arrange to meet soon at a restaurant. It was clear they wanted Mon. - Fri. 3 - 6 pm
to spare me the ordeal of looking across the dinner table at inside Only
loneliness.
I began calling other friends deeper in our address book, Lunch SpeciaLS
assuming they would gladly meet me at a restaurant or at one
of our homes as they often had in the past. Surprisingly, many every Day
$
said they were booked for weeks ahead and would have to call starting at 11
back. Most didn’t call back and it became evident they saw dinner
tables as set for couples, not for odd numbers, and three began
proving to be an especially odd number.
Norbert Graber, R. Ph.
and Lynn Graber, R. Ph.
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