Page 6 - Boca Exposure - September '20

Page 6, Boca Exposure
Reality Check √… Healthy Answers On Living And

Loving Life: ‘Which Side Of The Fence Are You On?’

By Dale Brown, B.S., a strong-willed woman who stood on ceremony whenever push ask Steve, “Is this battle worth fighting? If it really doesn’t make
M.A., C.E.C. Dale is a came to shove. Although I wasn’t around at the time, my husband a difference in the long run, better to give in. Sometimes, the cost
motivational speaker who tells a funny story that goes something like this: His parents is too high and not worth winning. You may lose a job, friend,
has spent many years as a became embroiled in a dispute about a rule while playing a game or partner because at this point no one wins. Worst of all, you
Certified Life Coach and has of Scrabble. Mom was absolutely sure she was right. Dad was may lose your relationship entirely.
written numerous articles convinced she was wrong. What’s the best way to diffuse conflict?
and e-books relating to self- The argument continued to the extent that they agreed to A better way of handling this type of situation is to open your
improvement and ways to solve the controversy once and for all. They wrote to the Scrabble mind to the idea that you could possibly be on the wrong side of
build a high-performance company for a definitive answer. When the ruling came back in the fence. The secret to getting along with people is to keep in
team. Her education and favor of Dad, it didn’t matter. Mom simply said, “They don’t mind that your reality is not necessarily the same as theirs. The
years of experience in know what they’re talking about. I know I’m right!” more you insist that your perception is the truth, the more it’s
physical fitness and training What makes someone so sure that his or her view is right? likely that others will double down on their opinions. Eventually,
of elite athletes has enabled her to sharpen her knowledge in For one thing, we all have our own version of the “truth,” you may reach a stalemate, where nothing is accomplished.
many health-related areas. The following is one in a series of which comes from our unique way of experiencing the world. Leading the discussion into more neutral territory is one way
columns devoted to many topics that deal with the mind/body Your perceptions are influenced by your upbringing, life of diffusing the argument. For instance, after you hear the other
connection and the importance of living a healthy lifestyle. happenings, education, and biological make-up. In time you person’s point of view, validate it by saying, “I see what you
Dale, a Bocaire resident, can be reached at dalebrown@ become so tied to your beliefs that you become inflexible and mean, I didn’t look at it that way. We might be saying the same
lovingmondays.com. unwilling to admit, “I don’t know, you might have a point.” thing.” Taking the high road gives credit where credit is due and
Have you ever noticed that some people insist on being right If you happen to know, work or live with Mr. or Ms. Right, takes the heat off both parties.
all the time? They close themselves off to ideas that could actually you understand it’s not easy. It’s a constant battle that often can’t Lastly, if you find you’re embroiled in a conversation with
help in their career, relationship, or life in general. This type of be won. But don’t give up … there are ways to avoid or retreat someone of little importance to you, don’t jump to conclusions.
individual will argue their point to the bitter end and shy away from the front lines. Listen and ask yourself, “Is there a valid reason to continue this
from alternative answers just to prove a point. Is the battle worth fighting? exchange?” Give him a fair chance. If it’s not worth it to you,
Regardless of whether you clearly have facts to substantiate Often, a difference of right or wrong can lead to an argument. walk away.
the truth or an expert standing by with answers, there’s no way A simple dispute ends up falling into the awful “name calling Who’s the judge of right and wrong?
this person is going to admit, “I’m wrong!” Even when they do trap.” When tempers flare, emotions soar. Before you know it, Objectively, someone is probably “right.” Without a referee to
find themselves in the “wrong,” they turn and accuse you of what started out factual becomes a personal assault. “You always make the call, both parties will hold to their assumptions without
always wanting to be “right.” think you’re so smart” or “You’re just a hot head.” Insults only budging. Open-mindedness is critical to getting along in this
How often have you been told, “You’re a know it all!” fuel the fire. world. Unless you find pleasure in arguing, it would make life
This is a natural response from someone who suffers from I had a client named Steve who was always in conflict with easier to find ways to live in harmony. Remember, you can agree
the “need to be right” pattern of behavior. Although they might his boss. He would cite many incidents where he truly believed to disagree. But, at some point, there remains a middle ground
intellectually understand that other people have different ideas, his boss was clueless on many business-related issues. Of course, where common courtesy and respect prevail. Sometimes, you
they rule out any other point of view. They truly believe that this led to controversy and threatened his job security. I would just need to let some things go!
what they think, feel, hear, and say cannot be wrong.
There are other factors that enter into the “right syndrome.”
The underlying cause is fear of being wrong and losing credibility Boca West Children’s Foundation from page 1 package of wine and hors d’oeuvres and, of course, one
or control. When you disagree with this type of individual, he duck of the ducks that are being dropped from a crane for
feels threatened and defensive, and won’t let it go until he has In addition to the funds raised through participating golfers, a chance to win $2,500. Additional individual ducks for
regained his power and false sense of confidence. charities will vie for a portion of the $100,000 awarded during the duck drop are $50. Visit Bocawestfoundation.org to
Some people feel diminished when proven wrong; others the tournament. Each charity will receive between $2,000 and purchase tickets and ducks.
may have a need to be right to boost their self-esteem or their $10,000, depending on its team’s placement. About Boca West Children’s Foundation
egos. This behavior may be due to the demanding expectations “Many of our charity partners have had to cancel their The Boca West Foundation was launched in 2010 and
of parents, a humiliating moment as a child, or being bullied by fundraisers this year and our golf challenge will serve came about as a desire by the thousands of volunteers from
friends. Whatever the cause, the fact is no one likes to be wrong. as the fundraiser for each of our participating children’s the Boca West Country Club to give back to children in
My mother in-law was a good example of one such person: nonprofits,” said Pamela Weinroth, executive director of Boca Palm Beach County. The foundation’s mission is to identify
West Children’s Foundation. “We are delighted to offer this and fund projects to assist children and their families in
fundraising platform for these charities. The golf challenge need in the area. Since its inception, the foundation has
The Singles Scene from page 5 will not only be an incredible event, but it is arranged to keep granted more than $10 million for specific programs of
participants safe and socially-distanced.” more than 30 charities.
Tickets include a sleeve of golf balls, a golf shirt, a gift For more information, visit www.bocawestfoundation.org,
of the golfer’s choice, all food on the course, a take home call (561) 488-6980 or email foundation@bocawestcc.org.

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