Page 19 - Boca Club News - October '22

Boca Club News, Page 19
Mental Health Memo:

Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall

By Elyce Kiperman-Gordon, MS, she frequently leaned on her mother to assist in making As we progressed in our sessions together, Louise
LCMHC, NCC, owner of The Feeling important decisions for her and her family. But then became aware of some of the difficulties she has faced since
Expert an evidence-based and afterward, she would feel annoyed and guilty for allowing her divorce. She often felt overwhelmed by the pressure
®,
holistic psychotherapy practice, her mother to take over once more, and she would become of having to handle everything alone and make decisions
located in Boca Raton. She is a angry towards her mother and blame her for meddling in her for herself as a single mother, leading to self-doubt and
Board Certified, licensed Clinical personal life. She was also frustrated that she was lacking insecurity. When she felt unsure, she would reach out to
Mental Health Counselor, offering self-confidence in her own capacity to make decisions, her mother for advice. That’s when she realized she would
a range of therapeutic approaches and that she realized that her insecurity had only increased become angry at her mother for giving her the advice she
to treat anxiety, depression, trauma, following her divorce. She stressed that it was difficult for requested, because she felt like a child again. As she became
and relationship issues. Elyce is an Internal Family Systems her to express her real desires, or to ever disagree with her more aware of that pattern, she was able to gain a greater
Specialist (IFS) and a Certified International Integral Sound mother’s opinions because of the fear of losing her support perspective, rethink her narratives, and discover emotions
Healing Therapist. She can be reached at (844) CAN-HEAL or disappointing her. she had been neglecting.
or Elyce@TheFeelingExpert.com. Instead of facing her underlying problems and Louise realized that she was blaming her mother by
Disclaimer: Names and identifying characteristics have insecurities, she was displacing her emotions of fear and displacing onto her mother her own feelings of anger,
been changed to protect the privacy of individuals. frustration onto her mother through anger. It was easier to insecurity and lack of confidence in herself. She noticed
The Patient: Louise, a 43-year-old, divorced woman point out her mother’s behaviors and motives as meddling she was extremely upset at herself for allowing others to
came to me with the goal of improving her tense relationship and taking over her life, since it seemed more manageable make her decisions, because she did not feel confident
with her mother. Throughout her life, Louise felt her mother than to look at her own feelings of inadequacy. Displacing enough to trust and feel safe enough to make them on her
was always in her business and trying to make all of her emotions onto a family member can often lead to conflict own. We were able to brainstorm strategies to help her deal
decisions for her. Louise noted that her mother expects to in the relationship. Not only does it not fix the situation, more effectively with the original source of frustration, and
know everything that is going on with her, her kids and her but it can push people away. learn new habits to replace her reactions with authentic
finances, and wants to go everywhere with her, even on The Treatment: We used a technique called interpretation emotions. We also introduced the use of “I” statements,
vacation. She indicated that ever since her divorce five years that is used in psychodynamic therapy. The main goal of and strengthened her skills with boundary setting to help
ago, her mother feels scared to let Louise do anything on our counseling sessions concentrated on gaining a deeper encourage Louise to communicate her feelings more
her own, and as a result things have gotten more stressful. understanding of the unconscious influences or repressed effectively and trust her own decisions.
Though she is extremely close to her mother, she feels her emotions that might be shaping Louise’s interactions with Results: Through the use of the psychodynamic
mother is overbearing and tries to control every bit of her her mother. We worked to help her become more conscious therapeutic approach, Louise was able to gain insight into
daily life, which has negatively impacted their relationship. of her motivations, beliefs, and actions. the relationship with her mother and safely explore her
She wished to be more independent, but if she brought up She was then able to identify the current patterns and feelings of anger. The therapy helped her to discover how
any issue to her mother the conflict would begin. behaviors that were connected to her anger. Once she had a her past was influencing her present-day relationships, and
The Diagnosis: After our initial session, we were better understanding of what was happening, she was able to to understand the beliefs she had formed based on those
able to determine that this is a relational problem. Louise alleviate the inner tension she was experiencing. People often experiences.
showed a pattern of angry responses toward her mother, develop certain ways of responding to problems without even Louise was able to clearly see how she had been carrying
which appeared to be a displacement of the primary being aware of those tendencies or habits. Psychodynamic around old beliefs about her self-worth, and how it impacted
relational conflict. Displacement is an unconscious defense therapy helps individuals recognize unconscious behavioral her interactions with others, particularly her mother. She
mechanism. It is the involuntary transfer of emotions from patterns, how they can cause conflict in relationships, and how was also able to recognize how she was avoiding dealing
one individual over to another person or occurrence that to express emotions in a healthier way. Feelings, motives, with hurtful emotions, and turning to the displacement of
the mind then perceives as a more acceptable and less and decisions can be influenced by our past experiences as her anger as a defense mechanism to alleviate the anger
threatening situation. they get stored in the unconscious, so they can affect how she felt towards herself for not being capable of making
During our conversations, Louise recognized that we react in future relationships. her own decisions.

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