Page 8 - Boca ViewPointe - April '23

Page 8, Viewpointe April 2023
Managing Loss, Anger And New Beginnings

By Josette Veltri Managing Loss
Learning to manage loss is vital to retaining focus
Every day we are given and reserving energy. Having some knowledge of coping
a gift, the gift to start strategies before, during and after a loss can be likened
over and experience life to a full array of tools in your toolbox – ready and able.
in new ways. Like logs Loss happens and can present itself as the death of a
blocking the river’s flow, loved one, a divorce, a job loss, a diagnosis, the end of
loss happens – expected or a friendship, an accident, a relocation and more. And, if
not. But, unlike a river, we one is brutally honest, they will have to admit knowing
get to choose how loss is two or more coping strategies will help them through the
managed or not. loss and some sleepless nights.
Some choose to see loss In Worden’s Tasks of Mourning we learn the first
as an obstacle and think it’s impossible to keep moving step is accepting the reality of the loss. Easy, not a Each zone allows the time needed for adjustments,
forward. They unfortunately give up and live yesterday chance, possible yes. Accepting a loss means we are no detachments and letting go. As one moves from ending to the
over and over again. Many will immediately create a plan longer in denial or resisting. For example, an individual neutral zone, they learn to trust themselves again, discover a
but never act on it. Their thoughts keep them vacillating experiencing a job loss due to company downsizing new identify and become tolerant in their discomfort.
between I should have, could have and they live the rest begins creating all kinds of suffering due to negative In the neutral zone, there is an opportunity to examine
of their days filled with anger, regret and frustration. storytelling. The non-accepting unemployed plays the the mind’s old appointed Board of Directors and decide
Others will see their loss as an opportunity to accept what blame game over and over before settling into a non- if they should stay or go before moving on to the new
cannot be changed and courageously take steps forward resistant role and begins searching for new employment beginning. For example, we may not want the old judger
to a new beginning. opportunities. and doubter who continually assigns guilt and casts fear to
Anger be part of our new beginning. We may consider replacing

The second step in Worden’s Tasks of Mourning is to
them with appreciation and hope. Or, worse yet, do we
The Power Of work through the pain of the loss. Yes, losing a loved really want to keep the old controller around? The one
one, a job, ending a friendship, moving from a home
who shouts no way, you can’t move forward or should we
Senior Adults one has lived in for over 18 years has painful memories. consider replacing that BOD with determination?
And, in most cases pain creates conflict and conflict
Transiting after loss to a new beginning tends to be slow,

creates anger. Why anger? Anger whispers you are no
and that’s okay. Because loss of any kind, shifts perceptions
To Protect The longer in control. And, yes, in loss you are not in control. and outlooks on how we view ourselves, our family, friends
The coping strategies to work through anger are: self-
and life in general. The fact is loss changes everything but,
compassion, understanding, reflection, non-resistance
it also gives us an opportunity to begin from a new vantage
Environment and be present. point. Now that’s something to consider!
New Beginnings
In William Bridges Transition Model, Bridges explains

For more information on learning and applying
everything has an ending, a neutral zone and a new coping strategies, contact Josette Veltri at josette@
By Steve Handwerker beginning. nextstepnewstart.com. 
It is long well known
that context, i.e. living Alisa Lebensohn, Esq.*
situations and conditions,
significantly affects Lebensohn Law, P.A.
people’s experience
of aging and also (561) 777-2233
developmentally older alisa@bocalawyer.law
adults (60 and over) are *Licensed in FL and NY with 30 years combined experience
more likely to be thinking about their legacy and how
THEY will be remembered.(Michael Myer Ph.D. Monitor Boca Pointe Resident, Providing Concierge Legal Services
November 2018) In addition this population have a higher to Palm Beach and Broward County Residents since 2015 and practicing law since 1992
voter turnout which is significant to making changes at Estate Planning, Family Law, Small Business Operations
the legislative level and for the good of the planet and its
future. They also have the experience needed to create Negligence/Medical Malpractice, Mobile Notary Services (yes, we come to you!)
change both within their lives and in the lives around RESuLTS DRiVEN; TRuSTWORTHY; CARiNG; EFFiCiENT
them. In addition the worldwide population over age 60
is more than one billion!! The focus is multidimensional mention The Viewpointe and get a free 15 min. consultation!
and involves psychology, human centered design and
behavioral economics. Using visualization, decision
making and problem solving strategies and then
committing to at least one of the solutions generated is Norbert Graber, R. Ph.
a wonderful way to conserve our precious resources. and Lynn Graber, R. Ph.
For example, getting an energy audit and/or having an
“accountability buddy” often solidifies a commitment
made! Consider this please whenever you consider
conservation of resources and energy!

Steven E. Handwerker Ph.D. D.div, RM
Board Certified Licensed Psychologist
50 years experience
www.peacewk.org.
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