Page 6 - Boca ViewPointe - June '21
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Page 6, Viewpointe                                                    June 2021

      Boca Pointe Advisor – VIII

      NOT YOUR TYPICAL                                     always brags to everyone using a pen is how smart confident   for new customers. The owner rejected the coupon as she
                                                           4. My friend does his crossword puzzles in erasable ink. He
                                                                                                           explained she was an existing customer. My mother-in-law
      ADVICE COLUMN                                      people do puzzles. Do you think he is stretching the truth to   got nuts as she said the dog is a new customer and the coupon
                                                         impress others?                                   and discount should be honored. Who is right?
      By Alan Arnold                                        a) The Advisor thinks you should get a life!!!     a) We think you both have solid arguments. Bring the case
                                                            b) Your friend is not stretching the truth. The puzzle is   to Judge Judy and let her adjudicate.
         Here we go again. Another column filled with excellent   done in ink. Erasable ink is still ink.     b) Tell her that her face looks like a dog and does she give
      advice to address your concerns and problems.         c) The real question is what he uses to write his name on   herself a discount?
         We are gathering all feedback from previous articles and   his underwear. Please get back to us after you find out.     c) Next time bring in a Great Dane with a bowel disorder.
      will share them in an upcoming special issue called THE      d) Smart confident people do not do puzzles that are   She will pay you to go somewhere else.
      ADVISOR MAILBOX.                                   geared to pre-K mentality. Your friend needs to try the NY      d) If none of the above work, we suggest you wear a
         For now, on with the issues at hand.            Times Sunday puzzle and we can then see if he is smart or   disguise and just pretend you are a new customer. With the
         1. As a single guy I usually am always looking for single   an imbecile.                          COVID masks, it is very hard to identify anyone these days.
      women. One of my favorite places is the fruits and vegetable      5. I am a 43-year-old man who recently relocated and am      7. My wife and I are doing some long-term planning
      section of Publix. I get a bit turned on when I see women   currently looking for a place to buy. The only thing I see in the   and are trying to figure out whether we want to be buried or
      feeling plums and peaches like they were gold bullion. Why   papers, with realtors and on all online sites are places that are   cremated. Do you have any suggestions for us?
      do they need to touch every single piece of fruit. I was in   55 and older. Are not there any 55 and younger communities?     a) This is really a personal choice. One plus as far as
      the plum section and met this incredibly sexy woman. She      a) Not really. We know a guy who knows a guy who has   cremation, over the years you will save a lot of money on
      was about to give me her number and after a quick look in   a friend who knows a guy who can provide you with any   gas since you do not have to drive to a cemetery. And if you
      my cart, she raced away from me and was gone in a flash.   documents you need. Seek him out. Contact him thru his   use premium unleaded, your savings should be huge.
      Initially I had no idea why, but I then realized I had been   website called     b) Another plus is you do not have to buy a coffin. These
      shopping for my elder parents and had a wagon filled with      b) We suggest you buy a Service or Emotional Support   days, with the price of lumber, you might die before you pay
      Colace, Depends, Pull-ups, Dulcolax, Gas-X, Pepto Bismol,   animal. This is a very tricky, but a legal way to bypass any   off the cost of a nice coffin.
      Miralax, Preparation H, Desitin and many other lotions and   age requirement. Just make sure the animal is over 55.     c) Everyone could use an extra urn around the house. Not
      creams and undergarments. What can I do to avoid this      c) It is indeed a problem as 99.9% of all Floridians are   only can it hold ashes, but also good to put your loose change
      because I often shop for my folks?                 over 55. Maybe just move in with your folks.      in it.
         a) The Advisor suggests you google – Shadow Shopper      d) There is one place we just heard about. They accept      d) Traditionally, the choice of a burial has always been the
      – a recently formed subsidiary of Secret Shopper. You can   everyone. The problem is it is a trailer park in the middle of   preferred option. The problem we have often heard is older
      hire someone to shadow you with a wagon filled with organic   the Everglades.                        folks tear their rotator cuff from picking up a heavy shovel
      foods, vegan, gluten free healthy snacks and whole grain      6. My mother-in-law recently lost her dog but was   to toss dirt in the grave. Approximately 65% of those injured
      breads and pasta. All great healthy stuff. Next time you see   fortunate enough to rescue a beautiful mixed breed. She   require rotator cuff surgery.
      a woman you want to meet, switch carts, and go from there.   brought the dog to the groomer she was using and when she
      We guarantee success!                              picked up the dog, she presented a 25% discount coupon   Boca Pointe Advisor – VIII on page 7
         b) A less expensive option would be to hire someone else
      to shop for your folks or just get it delivered.
         c) There are new carts at Publix, that have tops that go up
      and down like a convertible car. Get one of these and cover
      up all the stuff you mentioned above.
         d) Since most men are looking for love in all the wrong
      places, suggest you move to the bakery department and look
      for women gently squeezing breads. A venue change might
      prove to be more successful for you.
         2. My husband and I have been trying to conceive and
      really want a son. We have not had any luck. Can you offer
      some advice.
         a) We are going to offer you some out of the box advice.
      As you know from a prior article, our editor is very familiar
      with the mating habits of Loggerhead turtles. Their sex is
      determined by the temperature of the air during conception.
      (google TDS -temperature determined sex) Next time, turn
      the A/C on to its coldest. As crazy as it sounds, give it a try.
      You have a 50-50 chance of having a son.
         b) If this does not work, next time turn up the heat. One
      of these options should work.
         c) Continue as usual but think of names that can be used
      for either sex. This way you really cannot go wrong. Some
      examples would be Robin, Alex, Randy, Chris etc. etc.
         d) Buy another A/C unit and keep one very cold and at
      the same time keep one very hot. We feel very confident you
      will have twins with the odds very strong at least one will
      be a boy.
         3. I have recently started to date a great guy and I think
      things are going well. But there is one problem, and I do not
      know how to handle it. His fly is always open. I talked to
      him about it, but he just tells me to mind my own business.
      I thought that was very insensitive of him. I really want to
      make this work. Any suggestions?
         a) South of the border issues are very sensitive for both
      sexes. We should probably not touch this subject at all, but
      we will offer you some things to consider. We think if his
      equipment is not visible, just let it be.
         b) Open your fly as well. See how he reacts.
         c) Get a fly swatter and swat his fly at every opportunity.
      He might get the hint.
         d) Buy him the book – The Catcher in The Fly written
      by JD Salinger’s cousin, and he will soon start to keep his
      fly closed.

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